How to Avoid Going to Court

We have helped thousands of people navigate through their family law matters. One of their most frequently asked questions is if I can help keep their case out of court. The answer can absolutely be yes, provided that both parties are willing to work together in good faith. There is nothing that provokes more anxiety than going to court and standing before a judge, even with an attorney by your side. This being said, there are numerous ways to help keep your case private and avoid ever seeing the inside of a courtroom.  

Settlement Conference

Often times, I am able to sit with opposing counsel and our clients in my office to discuss various settlement options.  More often than not, this helps the parties to at least narrow the issues at hand, if not completely settle their matter.  This method is particularly successful if both attorneys are experienced and focused on problem solving rather than creating unnecessary conflict.

This is also a fantastic option for those who are unrepresented as well. I often suggest people meet in a public place and talk about the issues that are most important to them and to see if there is a way to flush out all of their outstanding concerns, and often reach settlement terms. We are more than happy to coach you before you meet with the other party to help you creatively problem solve and recommend various options to help you have the most productive meeting possible.

Written Offer Proposals

If you do not believe it to be in your best interest to sit in a room with your spouse, then settlement letters can be sent and are often extremely productive in moving your case closer to the finish line. We are here to help you brainstorm with you during a coaching session, and we can even draft settlement proposals for you to give or email to the other party.

Private Mediation

If you still find yourself with a few outstanding issues after the settlement conference and/or exchange of offer proposals, another great option is mediation.  Even the most high conflict divorces have been completely resolved with the assistance of a good mediator.  Private mediators will typically stagger your appearance to their office to ensure that there is no contact between you and the other party, which helps to reduce stress and promote settlement. It is important to remember that mediators often do not give legal advice, so it is imperative that you attend only after you have been coached by a member of our legal team to ensure that you are entering into an appropriate agreement, as final agreements reached in mediation are binding. 

Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR)

The courts also offer a free mediation service called Alternative Dispute Resolution, which is often referred to as “ADR.” ADR is typically set for about three (3) hours before a Judge Pro Tem, which is a person who acts as a substitute judge to help you mediate your matter. You will not have your ADR before the judge who is assigned to your case. As is often done in private mediation, the Judge Pro Tem will likely keep you in separate rooms while they go between the two of you to help you broker an agreement. Even if you only reach a partial agreement, those issues can be made into a final and binding agreement. Our site provides the form to you to file with the court to request ADR from the court.

It is important to note that ADR can only be set by your assigned judge. Sometimes the Court will simply enter an order for you to attend ADR once they receive the proper pleading requesting ADR, however, it is more common for ADR to only be set once you have appeared for a short status type of hearing (15-30 minutes). The instructions for the status hearing would be sent to you by the court. If you have any questions regarding the hearing that has been set in your matter, or on how to best fill out the ADR form, one of our legal coaches would be more than happy to assist you.

 These methods can help ensure that you are an author of your own financial and family settlement.  I always tell my clients to keep in mind that “fair” is just another four letter word, and neither party can get everything they want and reach a settlement at the same time. Some things will have to be left on the table and it is okay. Reaching a full settlement and finally having peace far outweighs the stress and expense in proceeding to trial.

In the event children are involved, it is imperative that you and your spouse are as civil as possible to one another as you will continue be in each other’s lives through your children well after your dissolution is finalized. Your judge will never be able to understand what issues are most important to you. Due to the backlogs of court cases, your assigned judge will not be able to grant you the time at court that you may require to fully present your desires and concerns as you would be able to during a mediation, which is what makes mediation such a valuable legal resource.

Finally, if the aforementioned alternatives are not completely successful and you are forced to seek judicial intervention, these methods should have helped to narrow the issues for court, making it far less stressful and time consuming for you.  You are only half of your case, so if the other party is refusing to negotiate in good faith, then it may be to your advantage to go to court so you can show the court all of the settlement efforts you made in an attempt to avoid court altogether.  Please do not forget that you are not alone in all of this- our legal team is here to help coach you every step of the way.

Better a lean settlement than a fat litigation. — Faroese Proverb